I first had a random encounter with this girl when I was smoking at the parking lot situated below my company. She was this tall, elegant-looking lass who obviously stands out from the rest. I just admired her from afar because the thought of approaching her with a “Hi, how you doing?” just sounds a bit too daring to me. She will always be dressed in long straight pants which show the length of her legs perfectly. Above all, her long straight hair and the fairness of her skin is what attract me most. I was secretly in love with her.
Chances has it that she appeared in a TV series which I managed to catch a glimpse of her out of the blue. And chances has it too that she is actually a friend in my friend’s Facebook list. By fate, we became acquaintances and led on to become a pair of lovebirds.
She has this love for food which I find incredibly cute and amusing. The thought of her smile and excitement everytime she sees food brings heartfelt pleasure to me. I would spend time just analyzing every part of her facial expression as she smiles. She would always ask me “Why do you smile at me like that?” Well, I guess she did not realize that deep down inside, I actually felt this indescribable happiness everytime I see her face.
The very first greeting that I got from her was “Haroo, is it you who added me on FB?”. I still remember the very first time we met. She was dressed in a black three quarter leggies with a striking pink blouse. Initially it was a meeting for some light snacks as she put it, but eventually it led on to Sakae Sushi. I still remember vividly the smile on her face when she told me that she’s of Japanese origin.
The following few nights were the happiest I haven’t experienced in a very long time. Watching Money No Enough was one of it. The nights where she introduced me to SS15 were a bundle of it. I still remember the words she came up with when I left my backpack in the car. She said “No brains one ah? Leave your backpack in the car, use your brain lah.” Haha, I laughed inside. It is really funny and comfortable hanging out with her.
It is true that two persons habit will become intertwined together if they hang out for some time. If there is one thing that reminds me of her, it’s definitely gotta be “Maggi Goreng”. Much to my surprise, for the days that come, Maggi Goreng actually became my favourite food. I even had that as takeaway during my weekends when I was alone. And I remember the first day we got together on Merdeka eve, we watched (sort of) fireworks in my room. If there is one song that reminds me of her, it’s gonna be Babyface’s “Everytime I Close My Eyes, which played for the whole night. And which I’m playing now, thinking of what she is doing right now.
She has this set of very cute rules that she wants me to adhere to. She would go like “Rule #1…..Rule#2….until Rule#8 or so”. She did not know that deep down inside, I find her really cute. And speaking about cute, let’s not forget the Sudoku game we had in front of GSC MidValley. That was really smart of her. And the Gelato ice-cream we had where I dropped my spoon from the 2nd floor. She actually dropped a fork the other day from a 2nd floor at a SS15 mamak as well.
Every now and then, she will complain and have some temper when she talks to me. There was once when we worked together in the office until 11:30 and she was having her PMS. She got abit agitated when I woke her up inside my car to ask for the directions. But then after she apologized. For me, I did not feel even a single bit of dissatisfaction towards her. Instead what I thought was her PMS, that she was having it and for her to work till such a god-forbidden hour, it must have been hard on her. That is how much I love her. I somehow feel that it is nicer to write this using a Malay word “saying”. It feels more intimate. Every moment that I see her, in my heart there’s just a feeling that tells me that I really do “sayang” this girl. I want the best for her.
There was once in Malacca when I saw this miniature set of cups that I thought of her. I wanted to buy her those as she likes it. However, due to it being not so exquisite and up to her taste, I decided not to. In other words, it’s kinda cheap stuff. I missed her every minute that she was in Bangkok.
Have you had that moment in your life (as a man) where you meet a girl and nothing else seems more important to you as she is the one you will want to love? She may not be the Miss Right, it’s not important, but she is definitely someone you wanna love with all your heart. You feel heartache when she is unhappy and the mere smile on her face brings infinite happiness throughout the whole of your day. This is what she does to me.
She is someone who makes me feel that finally I can be a better me. I actually felt that drinking may not be the only leisure I should have. That was the first time I derived comfort from just hanging out having some tea. That there is someone in future worth me making sacrifices for. I bet she certainly doesn’t know of this as I only told my best friend Joe about it. One night after gym, I was headed to Jusco foodcourt all by myself. As I sat down alone chewing on my wantan mee, a thought consumed me. It was so strong that it nearly brought me to tears. It’s that I’ve finally met this wonderful girl in my life but I’m bombarded with worries of not being able to provide enough for her. Those thoughts were reflected into strength in which I hunted non-stop for job opportunities. Here I am thinking that I don’t want to lose a girl as wonderful as she is, and I want to give her a good life in the future, which is probably why I feel so sad now.
I was walking through Giant just now and my heart was just consumed with this indecipherable sadness. What she told me today is just too heart-breaking. As I walked through the shopping mall, I peeked into Sakae Sushi at the place we sat to reminisce the memories. As I waded myself through the people walking around the mall, I felt so empty and even emptier by the noises around me.
Do differences between couples really matter? Every couples is bound to have differences, and it has made me realized that the differences we face is indeed a very minimal obstacle which should be overcome and not brushed aside. This is because the agony of her not being by my side is much more to handle than the mere thought of posting my tattoo-ed picture on the internet or concealing our relationship in public. The genuine, purest feeling that I feel for her, which is love overrides all these trivial obstacles.
Somehow, I’m not mad at her. I’m very sad and my heart felt it was slumped into a deep recession which is not going to rebound anytime soon. But astonishingly, I’m not mad at her. I kept thinking of her smile. The one month that we’ve spent together, every bit of it, means a lot to me. And because of that, trivial differences to be compromised are of little importance to me because I’m happy with her all the time.
It is saddening to know that all my plans for her are going to the drain. I bet she didn’t know about this too but when she was asleep on my bed on Saturday night, I was busy searching for nice places to dine in at food blogs. One such was this place called Full House at Ara Damansara. I was gonna bring her there the weekend after going back to Muar. And being a beach lover that she is, I’m actually planning for Bali trip on January, where I was criticized as she said “Who goes to Bali on January???November or December lah…..” But I understand she was a little grumpy having just woke up, so I’m fine with it. I really just want her to be happy, want us to be happy. This is a picture of Jinbaran I got from my friend. I can visualize how happy we are if I were to bring her there, having candlelit dinner on the seaside.
Jinbaran at Bali
I couldn’t say anything to her now that she’s so determined to make the final call to our relationship. Somehow I sensed that she is afraid of getting hurt again and that she is not so sure of what this is going to turn out. But I hope she can feel that what I have for her is real. It’s not something fake, which will go away anytime. Maybe she doesn’t understand that when I love her, I love her with all my heart. Lord, please give me some pointers as to how can I convince her that I’m really happy with her, that I am willing to sacrifice things just to be with her, willingly.
Having said that, as she is someone I love with all my heart, I’m going to prove to her that I’ll fight for her love. This is not something which I want it to end just like this. I hope you feel my love J. (Btw, lastly, I still find it cute when she wakes up during midnight everytime just to drink water from her purple bottle).
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