Songs...songs and songs...

Current Music [Babyface: I Only Think Of You On Two Occasions]

I only think of you on two occasions, that's day and night....................

Today is gonna be the day where I post my crappiest post ever. For I do not know what it is that should be written. I do not know what should be written or rather say there are a lot of things that I dare not write here. I finally did it. Beers are out of fashion now for me. Not strong enough for my thoughts apparently. Now I'm doing whisky...at home. Finally felt that beer at Dave's is not gonna give me what I want.

On a scale of 1 to 10 in terms of tipsiness, the rank is on 7 now. I really need to write but I'm holding a lot and a lot of things back. I've just had two straight shots. Damn, that's what I'm talking about. Now I'm feeling something. Now I can write. Don't get me wrong, I do not enjoy this. Anyway whoever the reader is, you can forgive me for whatever rubbish I spout out tonight as you know, it's mostly on whisky. On the other hands, you could take me seriously for the whisky might bring out lots of hidden agendas.

I've gotta change the song list first. Yea, Brandi Carlile is playing now. These stories don't mean anything if you don't have anyone to tell them to huh? But let me ask you this question. What if you've always got someone to tell your story to, and suddenly the story you're gonna tell is something you can't tell this person? How'd that feel huh? Cool right? Totally man. Defense is really paper thin. For I feel so damn weak here energy is draining out my veins.

Alcohol, I'm sorry wanted to say something about alcohol, but I just broke down. I hope this will make me feel better. I'm questioning my life, my fate, my luck, everything.Finally, I broke down after all these suppressed emotions.

Today in the bus for ALC, i felt as if I'm Zach Braff on the airplane, except that I'm the opposite. In fact the whole situation is the opposite of Garden State. In Garden State, everyone was panicking on the airplane while Zach was emotionless. Today, everyone was happy, busy chattering on the way home but I was in so much confusion, pain, denial and heartache. I plugged on my headphones to avoid the crowd and tuned in to one song after another which makes me feel even more. Dashboard Confessional's Stolen, Michael Buble's Home, Dishwalla's Angels or Devils, Damien Rice's Cold Water, Michael Buble's Put your head on my shoulders, Deathcab for Cutie's What Sarah Said. I looked up the ceiling of the bus and Garden State came to my mind. Wait, now Angels or Devil is playing.

This is the last time that I'm ever gonna come in tonight.....This is the last time I will fall, I can see the love in you, I can see the pain in you...

Sorry I told you tonight's post gonna be crap. I just let my thoughts flow and wrote it down, doesnt think at all. Whisky's a bad choice, a real bad one. Shouldn't have because I didn't know it made me bolder. Now that I've drank, I feel like talking to her straight away. Augustana's Boston is playing now. God, I love and am so attached to every song I'm playing now. Weekend sucks. My last weekend was like crap. Seko said today that habits can't be changed, you can only hope to replace it but it can't be changed. If that's what you are from day 1, that's what you're gonna be. I tried to be strong, put it off, take it as nothing happened, but somehow I failed successfully. Jacob Golden's On a Saturday has never really appealed to me, but I'm trying to listen to it now as it's her favourite. I used to joke that it sounds to me like a Saturday funfair, which I find it really funneh. But now I'm trying to listen to it really closely.

I'm talking to Jac on msn and I broke down again. And another friend just called. What a night. Lots of attention suddenly. But i need to write. Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah is playing now. I still remember how we used to talk about this song. She said it's about faith in religion. I thought it's about relationship. I've always like talking to her as she is so insightful. How can I tell her all this? Oh, she's online now.

Now try to listen to the lyrics of this song Matchbook Romance's Tiger Lily. It' just exactly like what happened between me and her. We're driving tonight everytime after drinking and talking about our lives, it's so nice. It's really paradise. And everytime I just wanna stop my car and hold on to her, which most of the time I hesitated. And everytime, I don't want to speak those words, cause I'm afraid of making things any worse. I'm afraid of losing her. But I want more. I really like her. Everytime after the night ends, I ask myself, "Why does tonight has to end? Why can't we hit restart, please God?" Let it pause it at our favourite parts, let us skip goodbyes.

If I had my way, I would really turn my car around and run away, to a far away land, just me and her. I'm caught between doing and not doing. I want to do it but I'm afraid it might be the wrong move. This song just so reflects what's going on between me and her.

We drive tonight,

And you are by my side.

We're talking about our lives,

Like we've known each other forever.

The time flies by,

With the sound of your voice.

Its close to paradise,

With the end surely near.

And if i could only stop the car

And hold onto you,

And never let go (and never let go)

I'll never let go (i'll never let go)

As we round the corner

To your house

You turned to me and said,"i'll be going through withdrawal of you

For this one night we have spent.

"And, i want to speak these words

But i guess i'll just bite my tongue,

And accept "someday, somehow"

As the words that we'll hang from.
And i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.

'cause i ('cause i..), i don't want to make things any worse.

And i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.

'cause i, i don't want to make things any worse.

Why does tonight, have to end?

Why don't we hit restart,

And pause it at our favorite parts.

We'll skip the goodbyes.

If i had it my way,I'd turn the car around and runaway,

Just you and i.